my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
