I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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