he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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