I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
