sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
