Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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