Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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