Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
