nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize