either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
