What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
