I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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