Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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