i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize