we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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