I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
