does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
