I love black thongs
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
