just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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