I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
