i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
