My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We have started to decorate penises.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize