dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
