Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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