He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That accounts for only three of the penises
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
