saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
