I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just high enough for therapy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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