I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
