Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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