Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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