AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
