we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
