He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
