Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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