my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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