I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
