So drunk its hurt
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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