she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
