she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He did a backflip because drugs
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