my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
