the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
