I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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