I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
