the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
