Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
