Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
