:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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