I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
