I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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