no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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