Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
