...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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