My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dick very happy bro
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
