Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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