called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
