Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
