32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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