I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
