She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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