The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
