i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
