I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
