i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
