the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
