Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
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