His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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