He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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