If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
