Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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