I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
