Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
