Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
