Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
