8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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