at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize