oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
