oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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