I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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