So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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