he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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