I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
