he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
