wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
