my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
