My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
