What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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